Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
