i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize