That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
