Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
