Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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