paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
