You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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