Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
