I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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