I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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