you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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