I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
