I can tuck mytits in my pants
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
try to milk me bitch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
