i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
