Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
