i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
