I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
