with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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