i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
