For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
