I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
