Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
