I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
