I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
