Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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