I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
