my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
