Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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