please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
