dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
