I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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