If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
