Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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