the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
