alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize