I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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