So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
