I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
