did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
