im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
