Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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