he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
