Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
