i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
