Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
