how can u be prego again
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize