I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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