He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
