the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When are your genitals available?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
