I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
