I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
