we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
