Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
