This is not my ceiling
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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