that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
