he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
