i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
