Will you blow on my dice?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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