At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
