so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
