YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
